I Feel Grey

A friend at church today said she wished I would include more of my feelings on this blog.

Let me say for the record, in my family of origin this blog would be considered spilling my guts. We just didn't talk. And we certainly did not share our feelings. In fact, I grew up with the idea that feelings are really sort of, well, if not exactly evil, then definitely irrelevant.

My mom exclaimed today about how much my children talk. She had us over for lunch and the children were very well-behaved, helpful and full of conversation. I think Mom is not used to people who say out loud what they think or feel or want. What a concept! I'm trying to be more like my children in the verbalization area, but it does not come naturally. I literally have to remind myself (and not just while blogging):

What do I think?
What do I feel?
What do I want?
Say it!

Also, I have to admit that it takes me a while to figure out what I'm feeling. Sometimes I think I'm fine and then my hair starts falling out or something like that. Learning, I'm learning.

But I'll try to tell you how I'm feeling now. I got my first grey hair when I was 21, my first year of teaching first grade. I had enough grey to warrant coloring by the time I was 29. I've colored it for the last 16 years. I've just never felt grey. Now I do.

I feel grey.