The past couple of weeks have been an interesting study in human nature.
*I have a friend from church who has checked on me numerous times, offered sympathy and encouragement, served my extended family, even offered to take my children shopping for funeral attire, and failing that, just bought the clothes.
*I have another friend from church who failed to mention my father's death at all. When, after I asked and heard about her week, she asked about mine. I told her it had been a little rough and asked if she had heard my dad passed away. All she said was, "Yeah, I did hear that."
*Two of Karis' teachers have been praying for our family and comforting Karis. Ev's class and teacher have been very supportive, allowing late work and dismissing some assignments. The school headmaster and admissions director bent over backward to dovetail their new family breakfast with Dad's service at the church and our family lunch.
*A different (but beloved) teacher of Karis' observed that I didn't sound convincing when I told someone I was doing all right (Thursday after Dad passed). I agreed but said I didn't think I was supposed to be real great since my Dad died Monday. She said, "Oh, yeah. I forgot about that." Then the following week, she required Karis to turn in an assignment Tuesday, the day of Dad's services.
*Some precious friends have offered all sorts of tangible help, comforting hugs and words and food, safe and happy places for our children, even true and real advice about grieving.
*My FIAR (internet) friends have covered us with prayers, encouragement and concern.
*Very few of Dave's friends and associates have offered him any support or sympathy. One even expressed surprise that he was tired or sad on the Friday after Dad's services.
*My brother and his wife sent me a beautiful bouquet of roses. It still makes me cry.
*Last Sunday, I stopped to buy a local paper for myself, each of my siblings, and my mom, so we could each have a copy of the obituary. The girl at the counter cheerily said, "You must know somebody in the paper today!" After I explained why I was buying so many, she kindly said those magic words, "I'm so sorry for your loss."
Why is it a stranger who works in a gas station can offer simple words of comfort and respect? And people I expect to care, do not? I realize it is hard to know what to say, but seriously. Mental Note: Make sure my children know to say: "I'm so sorry to hear about your (insert specific loss here)."
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Gwen, I am so sorry for your loss! and mine too. I was extra clumsy today. As you have mentioned, we are still in the grieving process. I have asked Cathy several times if I was rude or understanding when her mom and dad passed some years ago. I certainly had no idea what she was going through even though I thought I did... death has a sting. a loss. even with the gain and happiness... hugs. and I am sorry for our loss and coming loss!
ReplyDeleteAre you saying you were clumsy with me? I think you have been perfect. Perfect. Just how and who you needed to be. For me and I think I can speak for Mom too. I'm so sorry if I made you feel less than with my writing today. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteI know for sure I have been less than tender with a lot of hearts over the years and probably in the last two weeks too. I do think it has a lot to do with a person's own life experience. We live and learn.
Wayne's favorite thing to say, (I'm sad to say) is "people suck". And ya know, he seems right sometimes. Ha! And that's why there's Jesus, so we can look at people through our "Jesus grid". We don't suck, we're just self-centered and ignorant, sometimes!!
ReplyDeleteI've been wrapped up in "Kathy" business for the last month. I have thought about you all so much. That's so par for me, my actions have a hard time following my thoughts. Love you.
We are all learning, and having to grow up more than we would want--becoming the oldest generation in our family. Losing two parents so close together is awfully hard, so we should give ourselves time to grieve and be contemplative. If others are less than sensitive, it can be an opportunity for gracious truth spoken in love. We have been showered with cards and condolences, and today a piano student's parent brought me roses and a cake, saying I needed some sweetness in my life. Even the produce stand ladies sent me a card! Did I tell you they picked tomatoes while I was gone, and paid me for them?
ReplyDeleteSorry for those whose lack of attentiveness and understanding have caused you pain! Wish I could wipe it all away with a big hug and a cleansing cry...followed by some chocolate maybe!! Know you are never far from my thoughts!! I love you!! XOXO
ReplyDeleteopps. clumsy like dropping things or forgetting things. went to the bank to deposit a check and couldnt find it. Found it on the ground in the back yard. Sent a fax and it didnt make it. that kind of clumsy. Thanks for your encouraging words. It is great to have God and family in this difficult time!! and God has given us so many years and great memories with dad and mom! it is still a sting and hurts. I do remember Cathy saying to me that it helps much to hear the words I am so sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteoh, and also in the evening, Cathy mentioned that she had not seen the goats. I felt like a walk in the woods, so I went to look for them. after a while I gave up and came back. the goats were in their shed! I used that as an excuse to just sit around for the evening, avoiding any activity that clumsy could hit!
ReplyDelete