Denial: Our Family's Native Tongue

Could Mom be in denial about Dad's condition? Well, yeah. The Native Tongue has been spoken all these years; it would be awfully hard to learn a new language at this point. Tim Stafford, in his book As Our Years Increase, refers to the difficulty of elders in accepting happily (or in our case, accepting at all) "care they wish desperately they did not need." What a great way to put it. And I suspect that in MomWorld, if you deny it then you don't really need it.

Tim Stafford also wisely observes: They [parents and children] will usually build on the kind of relationship they have already established, good or bad. That is one reason why it is so critical to foster good communication earlier in retirement. That is so smart. So insightful. What great forethought. Okay, so here is a little conversation mom and I had a few years back while blueberry picking together.

Gwen: Hey, Mom. Dave and I were looking at a place on an acre. (Insert various details here.) And it has a great room off the side that we could use now for a school room. I think it would work well for you and Dad if you needed to come live with us.

Mom: Oh, Gwen. I'm just going to keel over.

I can see now the heart of the communication issue here. I was trying to speak English and Mom was speaking In Denial. And I think we still are.