Different Day

7:30-9:00 Mama's up, refuses oxygen, eats normal breakfast of egg over easy, half piece toast, slice bacon

9:00-10:30 Nap with oxygen, requested "a drop of that medicine" (morphine)

10:30-11:30 Up, refused oxygen, requested tuna sandwich, ate 1/4

11:30-12:45 Nap with oxygen

12:45-2:45 Up, not hungry, ate some pretzels, refused oxygen (Karis persuaded Nate to bring oxygen anyway and Mom used it)

2:45-3:45 Nap with oxygen

3:45-5:30 Up, refused oxygen, not hungry, asked Nate for and ate small scoop ice cream/peaches

5:30-6:35 Nap with oxygen

6:35-8:00 Up, refused oxygen, ate 1/2 c. broth, asked for nausea medication

8:00 Bed with oxygen

Not looking so good today.

Mom began the day by rereading her hospice pamphlet. I'm sure that literature is helpful to many people, but it has long been a source of obsession for Mom. Sometimes I think she really wants to have symptoms, like losing her appetite, because she has read it is a sign of impending death. She doesn't want her oxygen, because she thinks it dries her mouth out. Which it very well could, but it also could be that she only drinks about a cup of water each day. At the same time, she is concerned about shortness of breath. "How do I know if I'm having difficulty breathing?"

She really, really wants to be done here. As my brother Loren said this morning, "Poor ma never expected this. Seems there is something she can't do."