Back in the Saddle Again

(Nothing like a little Aerosmith soundtrack in your head to start the day off right.)

My dear sister in law Cathy has flown back to KC. She came last Wednesday intending to stay for a week, then extended her visit through yesterday. (Pity? Fear? Grace?) I am so grateful. During Cathy's time here with Mom, I was able to:

*Haul boxes to storage and Mom's house
*Have dinner with my besty from high school
*Get sick and spend an early night plus all the next day in bed
*Go to church
*Take Dave to the airport for his two weeks of studies in California
*Have dinner out with Ev
*Move most of the lake house furniture to storage (thank you Perry and football boys and Pickerings and Smith boys oh and Bret for the trailer)
*Paint the trim in the upstairs of the lake house
*Pack up master bedroom and bathroom
*Run errands and tote children

As I've come to expect, I was disappointed with myself about the lake house. In my mind, I think I should be able to work around the clock and get the place ready to sell. The reality however is that working at the lake house is so emotionally draining, I can't take an all-day session. It is better now that most of the moving is done and we are down to cleaning and painting. We are hoping to knock it out when Gayle comes at the end of June.

Mama is losing ground. She is sleeping more and more, spending only about 5 hours awake out of every 24. It is harder and harder for her to get out of bed and she doesn't like assistance. Nurse Christy surmises it won't be long before she doesn't get out of bed at all. Mom's appetite comes and goes. Yesterday after Cathy left, Mom didn't eat anything at all for the rest of the day. She did have breakfast this morning, an egg and a half piece of toast. She drinks her half cup of coffee, and crunches on some ice throughout the day. Not much to go on.

Mom's emotional state ebbs and flows as well. She was very thankful for Cathy's care. She has said kind words here and there to others, especially Cassandra/Carissa/Keturah and Nurse Christy. But she is still Mom and is weary and gets annoyed with people for being human. She still gets "stuck" on things which are beyond her control and worries them around in her mind and refuses to pray. And we all know how ugly that can be. Cathy and I discussed telling Mom that Nate needs her phone just so she would no longer have means to share her mind with others.

Mom is of course still longing for this struggle to be over. I don't know why she must linger while others are taken who want to stay. She feels she is close to death, but truthfully she's felt close for a long time. It could be wishful thinking on her part, or it could be that she has always been so strong and cannot imagine living in such a weakened state. Honestly, I don't think Mom will go anytime soon unless her heart gives out. She's still eating and drinking enough to sustain; all systems still function; she still reads and occasionally watches her programs. The Big Evil takes up about 1/3 of her abdomen, but Mom still maintains it causes her no pain. (Just don't touch it or she winces.)

So on we go into the unknown. Onward and upward, and try as we might, not gently.