Thanksgiving has come and gone and I didn't feel thankful. I know, I know, I have much to be thankful for. I've made lists and I've given thanks and I've said thank you to appropriate people.
I just don't feel thankful.
I feel:
Sad, as I remember last Thanksgiving.
Dread, as I think about Mom's future.
Lonely, as I miss my big brother who came to visit Mom before Thanksgiving.
Less than, as I can't set the example of a cheerful, hopeful, thankful mom/wife/daughter/friend. (I thought about faking it, but decided against.)
Grinchy, as I look ahead to Christmas and don't feel joyful.
Oh my. There you have it, the bad and the ugly. My only comfort is that I know of three people (not related to me) who felt the same way this Thanksgiving. They probably probably have the sense not to blog about it though.
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Hey! STOP being so hard on yourself! Not being thankful is ok, it's where you are! Honesty is better then fake. ;) I know it's so hard, and I wish I could say something to help. All I have is, I've been there. Just Christmas yet and you will be through the major holidays. The first year is more about getting through the pain then any other emotion, and it is what it is. Many Hugs your way my friend!
ReplyDeleteHolidays!!! Not always what they're cracked up to be! Just be where you are. Sadness is a legitimate emotion. Big hug to you Gwen.
ReplyDeleteBeing sad and dreading the future--that would be a legitimate response in this situation, if you have a heart... And you do have a real heart that can be broken. "Time, like an every rolling stream bears all its sons away, they fly forgpttem as a dream..." from the hymn, "O God Our Help in Ages Past." Life seems so short.
ReplyDeleteOh Gwen,
ReplyDeleteI have told so many people that it was just another day and just another meal for me. It was my mom's holiday and that made it doubly hard for me.
I totally understand and commiserate.
Love,
Kimberly
Dearest Gwen,
ReplyDeleteYour grief is raw...your emotions legit...your lack of feeling totally expected! Know I love you and prayed for you numerous times before/during/after Thanksgiving!
I think your ability to be real and share where you are truly at with it all is refreshing and real! No condemnation...just lots of love, hugs and prayers!!!
Love you bunches,
Barb