He Knows

At least he did yesterday. When Meg, Nate, Ev and I went to visit Dad after church yesterday, he seemed really good. Sitting up in his wheelchair, very alert and bright eyed, breathing sounded good, and no oxygen. While we were visiting, he made a statement like: "You can't always tell how things are going to work out. I always thought I would die before Mom. Now it looks like it might be the other way around." I wasn't sure exactly what information he had, so I just mostly let him talk on that subject. I did ask him if he had thought about his care if Mom were to pass away before him. After he ascertained that I was not asking him to commit to a permanent arrangement right then and there, he admitted that he liked the idea of what Grandpa Peycke had done, staying with different children.

Later, I asked Mom if she had been talking more with Dad about her cancer. She said she had because a friend had visited Dad and brought up the subject. When the friend realized that Dad didn't know about any of it, he suggested Dad ask Mom. He did ask and Mom did tell. I don't know how much Dad remembers day to day about it. Like this morning, when he called Mom five times at home, asking her to bring bananas. And making plans to take her out to breakfast. At least he's mostly sweet in his dementia. :) He was still pretty off when we visited him this afternoon. Mom was there too and she seemed especially down. As I told the kids in the truck, this is just a hard, sad part of their lives.

Weekend

Yesterday Nate, Ev and I headed over to the folks' in the morning. Nate mowed and Ev blew. Grandma was pleased. :) We talked some about getting her banking set up online. She doesn't know how much money she has. :( Because of morning yardwork and my work schedule for the day, I didn't get over to see Dad. I left a message with Mom asking for a report, but she never called me back.

This morning, Dad left a message on my phone, looking for his wallet. That seems to be his new thing: He needs to get his wallet. Karis, Meg, Ev and I went over to visit him this evening. He looked great! He did have two coughing spells while we were there, but his breathing sounds so much better. He carried on a conversation without getting out of breath. He told us about his swallowing exercises and about his physical therapy exercises. He had eaten most of his dinner. And he didn't ask for his wallet. :)

Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch...er, Hospital

Dad is still struggling with his pneumonia. It's still there in the x-ray, still there in his labored breathing, wheezing, coughing, and out-of-breath speech. When I went to see Dad Wednesday evening, he couldn't remember much of his day. He couldn't remember if Mom had been by or not. (She had been in the morning.) He couldn't remember if he had gone for physical therapy. (He had not due to an a.m. plummet in blood pressure.) He was very interested in the Weather Channel and the reports of hail in Denver and flooding in St. Louis and KC. He knew me when I came in and he looked great. He'd had a shower and shampoo and was sitting up in a freshly made bed. He was drinking a can of Ensure, indicative of not eating dinner.

And now for a funny Dad story. His mind can go in and out during the same conversation, even the same sentence. The other day when I was visiting, Dad was telling me about who had come to see him. Lou and Peggy (my in-laws). Lou and Gerrie (old and dear friends). Jerry (church friend). Then Dad named some man he had worked with at the plant years and years ago. I thought, "Oh boy. Here we go." I said something like, "You have had really good co-workers over the years, haven't you?" He agreed and we moved on to talk about something else. Later, I was relating this to Mom and she said, "Oh yes. That man called the house and he went to visit Dad." I laughed so hard! Here I am thinking he's gone off to LaLa Land and Dad's just telling me what really happened. :)

And Answers

*Exactly what stage is the cancer? Is it in the liver?
The cancer is Stage 4. It is not in the liver, just colon and lungs.
*Would surgery to remove the colon cancer now help ease Mom's pain on down the road? Not curative, but maybe palliative?
*Would taking chemo to shrink the tumor make Mom more comfortable on down the road?
Nope.
*Are there any stats on life expectancy with chemo? As opposed to the 6-8 mos. without?
Maybe extend life expectancy to a year.
*Planning--What to expect as Mom dies from this disease? What kind of care to plan for?
Varies.

Mom seems pretty set on not pursuing any treatment. Makes sense to me.

Questions

After talking to Dave and a couple of siblings, I have questions. I'm waiting for a call back from Dr. Kleinbaum, hoping to find out:

*Exactly what stage is the cancer? Is it in the liver?
*Would surgery to remove the colon cancer now help ease Mom's pain on down the road? Not curative, but maybe palliative?
*Would taking chemo to shrink the tumor make Mom more comfortable on down the road?
*Are there any stats on life expectancy with chemo? As opposed to the 6-8 mos. without?
*Planning--What to expect as Mom dies from this disease? What kind of care to plan for?

Oncologist Visit

Mom and I went to see Dr. Kleinbaum at 4:30 today. He told us that the tests showed Mom's cancer has spread to her lungs. Because the cancer is not contained, surgery is no longer an option. Dr. K told Mom her two remaining options are 1) try to shrink the cancer with oral chemo, or 2) do nothing. He gave an average time remaining of six to eight months.

I think Mom is in shock. She is happy that surgery is out. She is happy that Dr. K didn't tell her she has to take chemo. She completely missed that he gave her an average life expectancy. When I explained it to her, she said wonderingly: "It's like being on Death Row and I have a date. We'll see if he is right."

I'll find a good hospice care service. We need to plan how to care for Dad. I feel flattened.

Post Script to Monday

Mom called to say her visit with Dad was not so good. She stayed for a few hours in the afternoon and said Dad was in and out mentally. Seemed clear, then crazy talk. I'm sorry she didn't get the good visit. :(