Grace Wins

Remember how I said I don't have to do this alone? My husband Dave wrote down his thoughts for me as I consider how to move forward with my mom. It's another one I keep reading over and over.

I believe this latest episode is hurtful for you. I am sorry that you are experiencing this much pain at the end when sweet melodies would be wonderful while holding hands with your Mom as she smiles. It might still come. I am sorry that she is not (has not ever been?) devoted to you at this point.

I believe that, currently, it is part of the whole independence thing. Your Mom has you to push against and that makes her feel alive. If she pushed and got nothing but air, she might fall down. You must be there to take the push. She would die more quickly if that happened. It is life-giving for her to push out in an absurd sort of way.

I also have thoughts on denial. I have always enjoyed the quote in your sidebar and I have always tried to understand the inborn hope that 'things will be different.' I don't think that is unrealistic. I don't even think it is necessarily denial. I think it is simply grace. You have sought to extend grace. Grace has a certain naivete to it. We know the history, but grace does not label. We see hopelessness for change, but grace sees the path of transformation. We have no control, but grace counter-intuitively invites us to that sort of release so that it can go to work.

"My grace is sufficient for you," says Jesus. It will fill you up like that fun foam fills every crack and crevice in a hole. Your heart has a big hole. Admit the weakness of your pain and allow the power of Jesus' grace to expand. He will bring healing to you. He will use you to continue to bring healing to your Mom.

I know it is your heart's desire to give and give and give. That is who you are. That is what you have lived with our family. I know that pain got the best of you Saturday/Sunday. I know that you can extend grace. Grace always wins. Go for it.


Thanks, Babe. You continue to be my rock.