Black Holes and Revelations

Mom is super tired again. She kept a log of her napping schedule, because she found it so remarkable. As she showed it to me, she commented that her fatigue is the price she paid for going to Ev's basketball game. I tried to point out that Ev's game had been Monday night, and Mom's weariness did not begin until Wednesday. My sister Ruth left Tuesday afternoon. My conclusion is that the visit from my siblings are life-giving to Mom; when they leave, she fades.

As Mom sat wearily in her kitchen chair Friday morning, dressed in full sweats and warming her hands with a rice bag, we talked about her family. My sister Gayle and sister-in-law Cathy have been cooking up some sort of family history book on the computer. Cathy asked me to look for history documents and Gayle asked me to look for photos. Mom recommended looking in a desk drawer, and there I found a history written by one of mom's cousins. It is just from this cousin's perspective and contains many typos and inaccuracies, so I asked Mom about her "long lost brother." The typed history said he left home after high school and was never heard from again. Mom clarified that Bill left home after the war because her other brother Jay told him there was no place for him on the family farm. When Aunt Helen, Mom's sister, finally located Bill many years later, he said he had never come home again, because he knew he would kill his brother if he saw him. Whoa! It's Jacob and Esau all over again.

Mom was the baby of her family, and I don't know how much she was aware of at the time these things were happening. Even if she was aware, she is adept at shutting out bad news. She said Aunt Helen told her about the interaction with their brother Bill, but neither of them told their brother Jay. She said when Jay somehow found out and angrily asked her, "Why didn't you tell me?", she thinks she didn't say anything in response. Hearing all these family dynamics does help me understand Mom's unabashed favoritism among children and grandchildren. Evidently, it was a way of life in her family of origin. Friday, she declared, "Jay was a spoiled brat, really." I have never heard her speak ill of a childhood family member, so that is a very strong statement.

There were other tidbits in the typed history, concerning the sordid details of Mom's grandmother and grandfather's arrival in the States and eventual marriage, but I'm not sure those are internet-appropriate. I would say that great-grandma Anna Barbara did not choose well, bless her heart. Oh my.

It is interesting that Mom is wanting to talk about her family history, the real story. Between that and the napping, she is reminding me of Dad more and more. As Dad neared the end of his life, I learned more about his time in the war than I had ever heard before. Maybe it will be the same with Mom and her family of origin. And then I'm sure there will be plenty of times like Saturday. When we arrived to visit her, she explained that she had just sat down to watch a thirty minute program. We dutifully headed out to the backyard to wait. After a while, she came outside for a few minutes, then declared she was going in for a nap. So we came home.