Decline

Over the past week, I have seen a marked decline in my mom. She is slow. She is tired. She is sleeping more at night and throughout the day. She still eats, but the portions are small and it takes her a long time to get a meal down. She is getting more confused and forgetful.

Friday morning, I got to Mom's around 9:15. She had only been up about 15 minutes. I spoke to her briefly, but she was less than talkative, so I headed out to complete my window washing assignment. Mom came out to the back patio to eat her breakfast of oatmeal. In the time it took her to eat her little bowl of oats, I washed the three pieces of the storm window (three times each piece, each side), dried them, and reassembled the window. I went inside to wash up and Mom came inside to sit in Dad's red chair. She didn't read or watch t.v. She just rested.

Sunday morning, Karis brought Mom to church. I greeted her and asked how she was, and she said, "Slow." She had been up the night before. I asked if her pain was back and she said, "Well...discomfort." Yes, never the P word. Just "discomfort" that won't let you sleep.

I know Mom has had some ups and downs throughout the past year. It seems this time there is no up. Today she was much the same, eating slowly and then resting. She forgot it was my birthday until Karis told me "Happy Birthday" as she left for class. She told me again (for the third time? maybe more), "Say, Gwen! Don't order that hospital bed until you talk to me!" I laughed and said, "Mom! You keep telling me that! I won't order the hospital bed without talking to you." Mom said, surprised, "I do?"

Evidently, the hospital bed is weighing heavily on Mom's mind. She told me late last week that she has changed her mind about bed placement. She now wants the hospital bed to go in the living room, like Dad. Mom said she is always thankful that the master bedroom does not remind her of Dad's death, and she does not want the children to have to associate a bedroom with her death. It is very thoughtful, but Mom has never wanted to be out there. The room she had designated is to be Karis and Meg's room, which they could handle. Putting Mom out in the living room will be a hard request to honor. Maybe it will change again.

Mom is starting to say whacky things, lose words, and mix up words. After I washed the front bedroom window, Mom put a board up in it. Karis is using the desk in the front bedroom for her schoolwork and Mom wanted to give her some privacy. Mom told me, "I put the board up because Karis had sprayed the glass to keep people from seeing in." Mom explained that Karis had sprayed window cleaner on the glass and then left it on to obscure her from outside view. When I questioned her about it, she said, "Or maybe I dreamed it. I don't know."

As the hospice nurse was leaving last Tuesday, before the really marked decline began, I asked her how I would know when it is time to have someone with Mom all the time. She said, "You'll know." Well, I must be dense, because I don't know! I called Friday after seeing Mom so tired and slow. It was Mom's nurse's day off and the on-duty nurse was no help. She took a message to have Mom's nurse call me today. No call. I'm planning to be at Mom's tomorrow when the nurse comes for her weekly visit, so hopefully I can get some decision-making help.

My sister Gayle is driving down later this week. She will be able to cook and clean for Mom, and maybe get an idea of how much daily help is called for. I don't want to take over before Mom is ready, but I don't want to leave her alone too long. Karis' role is not caregiving, and we've agreed she is to call if her grandma needs help. It would be nice if we could transition as needed, rather than wait for a crisis.