Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
Practice Run?
I guess I got to appease my bad bad daughter feelings yesterday. Dad began another of his now-familiar downhill slides complete with chills, shaking, weakness and lapsing lucidity. I contacted siblings to let them know this could be it. Dave took over at our house so I could head to the folks. I spent the night on the folks' couch in case there was a crisis in the night. And...Dad got better. :)
Here he is this morning with Bill after a lap around the driveway.
Pretty amazing! Dad is still very weak. Bill has to haul him up instead of Dad standing up on his own. In fact, shortly after I took that pic, Bill fetched the wheelchair to bring Dad back inside. Dad still wants to get up, walk, talks about riding the bike, etc., but the fact is he has no stamina. His blood pressure gets low. His hands and feet/legs are swollen. He is spending most of his time sleeping and even when eating he is very quiet, as if it takes all he has just to carry out basic functions. Just looking at him, you would think he is not long for this world, but Dad has an amazingly strong will. There is no predicting with this man!
I think yesterday was like a trial run for all of us. We got to process emotions, see each other's reactions (good, bad, and ugly), and really think hard about the details of "What if...?" I am thankful for my brother staying here with the folks. I am thankful for my supportive family. I am thankful I can be here. I came home this afternoon with a splitting, gut-wrenching stress headache.
We'll see what tomorrow holds.
(Don't want to leave out the sisters. Here is their shot from this morning.)
Here he is this morning with Bill after a lap around the driveway.
Pretty amazing! Dad is still very weak. Bill has to haul him up instead of Dad standing up on his own. In fact, shortly after I took that pic, Bill fetched the wheelchair to bring Dad back inside. Dad still wants to get up, walk, talks about riding the bike, etc., but the fact is he has no stamina. His blood pressure gets low. His hands and feet/legs are swollen. He is spending most of his time sleeping and even when eating he is very quiet, as if it takes all he has just to carry out basic functions. Just looking at him, you would think he is not long for this world, but Dad has an amazingly strong will. There is no predicting with this man!
I think yesterday was like a trial run for all of us. We got to process emotions, see each other's reactions (good, bad, and ugly), and really think hard about the details of "What if...?" I am thankful for my brother staying here with the folks. I am thankful for my supportive family. I am thankful I can be here. I came home this afternoon with a splitting, gut-wrenching stress headache.
We'll see what tomorrow holds.
(Don't want to leave out the sisters. Here is their shot from this morning.)
Saturday, July 3, 2010
The Table Already Set
Aunt Helen is a published author. Her childhood memoir, One Time Upon the Upper McDowell, is an interesting read about growing up on a farm in Kansas during the Depression.
During this visit, Mom pulled out some packets that Aunt Helen sent her about ten years ago. They are short stories and poems, handwritten on cardstock, and stored in handmade cloth envelopes. With permission, I'm making copies for myself and my siblings. I think Aunt Helen's daughters should present these writings to Aunt Helen's publisher. They are treasures.
Here's a sample.
The Table Already Set
There were no hugs or kisses
But, the table was already set.
I don't remember Mama greeting, "I
love you dear children."
But, the table was already set.
Covered soft and smooth with bleached
flour sacks feather stitched together,
blue teapot and cups embroidered....
The big round table
the table of promise
where we each had our place
Grandma, Mama, the girl who stayed,
Bud, Bill, Tootsie and me, --yet,
room enough for the hermit on yonder
hill prone to wander at supper time....
Papa looked down from his picture
on the wall.
We came to the table alread set.
A time to tell
A time to listen
A time to laugh
A time to remind us who we were
Under the mellow glow from the
amber glass beaded shade above
We asked for a blessing
gave thanks for food enough
Now, I understand
Love set the table.
Love seasoned the cabbage soup.
During this visit, Mom pulled out some packets that Aunt Helen sent her about ten years ago. They are short stories and poems, handwritten on cardstock, and stored in handmade cloth envelopes. With permission, I'm making copies for myself and my siblings. I think Aunt Helen's daughters should present these writings to Aunt Helen's publisher. They are treasures.
Here's a sample.
The Table Already Set
There were no hugs or kisses
But, the table was already set.
I don't remember Mama greeting, "I
love you dear children."
But, the table was already set.
Covered soft and smooth with bleached
flour sacks feather stitched together,
blue teapot and cups embroidered....
The big round table
the table of promise
where we each had our place
Grandma, Mama, the girl who stayed,
Bud, Bill, Tootsie and me, --yet,
room enough for the hermit on yonder
hill prone to wander at supper time....
Papa looked down from his picture
on the wall.
We came to the table alread set.
A time to tell
A time to listen
A time to laugh
A time to remind us who we were
Under the mellow glow from the
amber glass beaded shade above
We asked for a blessing
gave thanks for food enough
Now, I understand
Love set the table.
Love seasoned the cabbage soup.
Bad Bad Daughter
I could have gone over to visit the folks today. I could have. But I didn't.
I
just
didn't
want
to.
Bill said Dad had "smoker's cough" in the night and seems a little out of it today. Weaker and wheezy, balance off, stumbling too. My thought is these could all be symptoms of the pneumonia progressing.
I am trying to talk Mom into letting me pick her and Aunt Helen up tomorrow afternoon and take them to the church picnic. I think Aunt Helen would enjoy the action and attention. I think Mom would enjoy the farm where the picnic is being held. We'll see if Mom can overcome her anti-social tendencies enough to go.
I
just
didn't
want
to.
Bill said Dad had "smoker's cough" in the night and seems a little out of it today. Weaker and wheezy, balance off, stumbling too. My thought is these could all be symptoms of the pneumonia progressing.
I am trying to talk Mom into letting me pick her and Aunt Helen up tomorrow afternoon and take them to the church picnic. I think Aunt Helen would enjoy the action and attention. I think Mom would enjoy the farm where the picnic is being held. We'll see if Mom can overcome her anti-social tendencies enough to go.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Oh Dear
The x-ray did show something on Dad's right lung. [Editing to add: It's pneumonia. Bill didn't know how to spell it so he didn't type it in his text.] I'm bummed but not surprised. The wheezing just didn't sound good. Ves is referring Dad to a pulmonologist. Bill says Mom is upset and wants to talk about this, so I'm going over in a little bit. I'm sure it is frustrating and frightening. Mom wants Dad to get better so things can go back to the way they were before. Unfortunately, things just keep falling apart.
"Denial is when we tell ourselves that the situation is temporary, that it will soon be resolved. What we're denying is our parents' inevitable decline and a future where they'll need ongoing, permanent help. Maybe we can make the present situation more stable, but if we think about it, we know in our hearts that this is just the beginning. The situation today is about as good as it's ever going to be." Eleanor Cade
The kids and I went over this morning to help out. Mom let us vacuum, dust, clean bathrooms, launder towels and sheets, wash dishes, fill pill boxes, and help with baking. Nate sweetly sat at the piano with Aunt Helen and "played" with her. (Nate has never played the piano.) The girls and I "sang" along. The Von Trapp Family we are not! But it pleased Aunt Helen immensely and kept her occupied for a good while.
Earlier this week, we took Mom some blueberry muffins. She loved them. Today we took over a vegetable tian. She was excited about having it for dinner. I am excited that Mom is accepting food from us. The kitchen is her domain and she will give up cooking when we pry the spatula out of her cold, dead hand. I'm just glad we can give a little help. Help is good.
Postscript: Mom did not seem upset or worried at all. I did talk to Bill about the possibility of Dad going downhill fast. He sounds ready to honor Dad's wishes, whatever they may be.
"Denial is when we tell ourselves that the situation is temporary, that it will soon be resolved. What we're denying is our parents' inevitable decline and a future where they'll need ongoing, permanent help. Maybe we can make the present situation more stable, but if we think about it, we know in our hearts that this is just the beginning. The situation today is about as good as it's ever going to be." Eleanor Cade
The kids and I went over this morning to help out. Mom let us vacuum, dust, clean bathrooms, launder towels and sheets, wash dishes, fill pill boxes, and help with baking. Nate sweetly sat at the piano with Aunt Helen and "played" with her. (Nate has never played the piano.) The girls and I "sang" along. The Von Trapp Family we are not! But it pleased Aunt Helen immensely and kept her occupied for a good while.
Earlier this week, we took Mom some blueberry muffins. She loved them. Today we took over a vegetable tian. She was excited about having it for dinner. I am excited that Mom is accepting food from us. The kitchen is her domain and she will give up cooking when we pry the spatula out of her cold, dead hand. I'm just glad we can give a little help. Help is good.
Postscript: Mom did not seem upset or worried at all. I did talk to Bill about the possibility of Dad going downhill fast. He sounds ready to honor Dad's wishes, whatever they may be.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Caregiver News
Sister Ruth is coming July 11 to care for Mom and Dad for a couple of weeks. Yea, Ruthie!
Doctor Visit
Bill and I took Dad to see Dr. Ves yesterday. Dad had wanted an appointment to see about his cough. Bill and I wanted to find out about Dad's wheezing and wretched sleep pattern. Ves has recently moved his practice, leaving the big conglomerate and starting up with a long-time colleague. Medical records haven't caught up with the move yet, so Dad had to fill out new patient paperwork, which was interesting. Then we had to wait about an hour, which was tiring. But I did have a nice visit with my oldest brother. :)
Cough--Ves recommended Dad take Pepcid as suggested by the hospital treatment team. There is such a thing as "reflux cough".
Wheezing--Ves sent us for a chest x-ray. We are to call for results this morning.
Sleep--Ves referred us to a urologist. He thought that was a good place to start, since Dad has had prostate trouble in the past. If that is all clear, we will come back to Ves again.
The whole visit was tiring for me; I can only imagine how exhausted Dad must have felt. Bill pretty much had to stuff Dad into the car for the ride home. Maybe he slept better as a result. We can only hope.
Cough--Ves recommended Dad take Pepcid as suggested by the hospital treatment team. There is such a thing as "reflux cough".
Wheezing--Ves sent us for a chest x-ray. We are to call for results this morning.
Sleep--Ves referred us to a urologist. He thought that was a good place to start, since Dad has had prostate trouble in the past. If that is all clear, we will come back to Ves again.
The whole visit was tiring for me; I can only imagine how exhausted Dad must have felt. Bill pretty much had to stuff Dad into the car for the ride home. Maybe he slept better as a result. We can only hope.
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