Out with the Old, In with the New

This morning I sat down to transfer all my info from my old 2010 planner into my new 2011 planner. It is actually a desk planner, but I carry it in my purse. I take notes, mark appointments, stash papers, carry addresses. It is pretty much my brain extension.

My old planner is beat up, jammed with papers, full of notes from doctor visits and conversations, frayed around the edges, adorned with "visitor" stickers from Solara. It contains lists like what to pack to send to the funeral home with Dad and who to contact with news. It also carries work schedules, orthodontist appointments, playdates, birthday celebrations and travel plans. Full of dying and death. Full of life and living.

My new planner is thin, tidy and clean. Spotless, really. I've added some orthodontist and dentist appointments. I'll input school functions. I have my work schedule ready to tuck in for next week. I've marked Mom's and Loren's birthdays in January. I've also added the list of people to contact with news of Mom's death. I wrote out all the grandsons' names again so I won't have to think about who the pallbearers are. The blank pages are ready for notes and conversations to be recorded. I know that on one of those pages, I will write the time and date of my mother's passing. Ready for another year of dying. Ready for another year of living.

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named

Meg and I stopped by Mom's today because, while we were in town running errands, we discovered in our truck...Ms. Jan's knit hat! We thought it was funny. Grandma thought it was funny too. She and Jan were already planning an outing together, so Mom can return the missing hat.

While we were there, just having a quick stand-up visit, Mom said:

I asked Nurse Christy if eating a lot of sugar could cause bad diarrhea. She said she would ask the doctor.

Gwen: Oh, are you thinking all the sweets at Poppa's brunch are giving you diarrhea?

Mom: Could be.

Gwen: You know, there were a lot of fatty foods too. That could be it.

Mom: Maybe. Or it could just be my...(points at transverse colon)...problem.

Gwen: You mean your cancer?

Mom: Yes, my cancer.

Really? Even now? If we don't talk about it, it might not be real? If we don't name it, it might go away? This family pattern is so ingrained, so automatic, so unhealthy. Please God, help us say what is real, what is true, even if it is hard, even if it is ugly. Even if it is cancer.

For Narnia!

Mom gave us a movie gift card for Christmas, planning to take us all to see Voyage of the Dawn Treader. This afternoon we picked up Mom, then zipped over and picked up our movie buddy Ms. Jan. The movie was amazing, as expected. We laughed. We cried. Ev and I held hands during intense parts. Mom clapped at various moments. Ms. Jan was generally confused.

On the way home, after dropping Jan off, we had this hilarious conversation:

Mom: I don't think Jan understood much of the movie. She read the book but she forgot. I think she is having a little...memory problem.

Karis: Ya think??? (general snickering)

Mom: It's worse even since the last time we took her to the movies. How long ago was that? I can't even remember what movie we saw. (general laughing, including Mom)

Then Mom had us all in for burgers and cookies. Yum! And then she told us it was time to go. Quintessential Mom.

Karis put into words later something to the effect that, "Grandma observes things about Ms. Jan that are true about herself." Mm-hmm.

Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime

How did that happen? I feel sort of like the Grinch when he discovers Christmas comes no matter what. Even though I didn't feel joyful and would have skipped the holidays had it been up to me, it came. And it was delightful. Welcome Christmas!

Christmas Eve, Mom had dinner with Perry and Noelle. Perry had come over earlier in the week to invite her and she was excited about having steak. :) While she was at their house, Karis and I filled Grandma's stocking. It squeezed my heart to see only one stocking this year, but it was still fun to play Santa. (Although we would never mention Santa to Mom because she does. not. like. Santa.) Then we went home to a crockpot full of chicken tortilla soup and a houseful of these fine people I get to call my family.

Christmas morning, because we have teenagers and a pre-teen, we had to wake up the aforementioned fine people so we could have our family Christmas at home, then pick Mom up and head to Dave's parents' for the annual brunch. Karis drove Dave's car and picked up Gma. Those two are peas in a pod.

Mom had a great time at Lou and Peggy's. She thoughtfully brought a loaf of Jewish Rye bread as a hostess gift. She gracefully endured the flurry of gift opening and graciously received a number of gifts and another stocking full. And she loved Papa's brunch.





Karis drove Mom back home for her afternoon nap and eventually we headed home to get ready for Christmas dinner at Grandma's. We sort of had Christmas Dinner Deconstructed: Creamy Herbed Turkey Soup with Dressing (ala Sweet Tomatoes) and Cranberry Crisp. Mom set her table with crystal, her Swiss table cloth, silver, and Frankoma. A lovely combination!

We tried roasting chestnuts on the open fire, but that didn't turn out so well. No popping, mostly just singeing. Maybe it's one of those things that always sounds better in the song, but doesn't turn out so well in real life.

All in all, a wonderful Christmastime. Together.

Oh the Brain Function Here is Frightful

Can you name that Christmas song?

I've been buzzing along this month, picking up things for my Mom for Christmas. For years, for all my married life, my family has "drawn names" according to a chart. This year, I thought we had Mom's name, because last year we had my youngest brother and I figured after that we started again at the top with my mom. Well, I figured wrong.

Yesterday, as I was on my way out the door to run Meg to an appointment Houston (close to the Galleria...what was I thinking?), I pulled out my notebook just to double-check. Sure enough, we were supposed to buy for my sister Ruth and her family. Who won't be here for Christmas. Meaning the gifts should be shipped. Three days before Christmas.

My family put our collective heads together and came up with a good, easily shippable idea. After I got back from Houston, I shopped and shipped. Happily, FedEx is open til 7:00. Whew, mission accomplished.

Then today, I was relating my tale of ding dong-iness to my sister-in law Carrie. She said, "I thought we didn't do that anymore." What? I texted my sister Gayle who has a memory like a steel trap, knowing that if anyone knew the deal, Gayle would. Gayle replied, "I think it happened a few years ago, yes."

What? Where have I been? Did I know this once and then forget? Or did I miss it altogether? Does everyone else know this?

Frightful, indeed. But hey, as I said to another sister-in-law yesterday, if there must be confusion, gift confusion is the best kind. Right?

By the way, I pulled the chart out of my notebook and threw it away to avoid gift confusion in the future. Think it will help?

Happy Winter

Our first day of winter was beautiful! I called this morning to invite Mom out for a field trip to Sur La Table and lunch at Sweet Tomatoes. She said yes! Meg, Ev, and I headed over to pick Mom up and drove south. We parked and enjoyed our walk along the shops on our way to SLT. Mom was looking for something to roast her St. Louis chestnuts in over the fire. I was looking for a pastry blender, since mine expired and we have been sadly biscuit-less. A charming girl helped Mom and then just struck up a long conversation with her about culinary school. She invited Mom to her graduation in March! I told Mom she would have to make it to March so she could attend. The store clerk (who obviously didn't know Mom's story) said, "Of course she will make it to March!"

As we were walking back to the truck, the girls suggested eating at Johnny Rockets instead of Sweet Tomatoes. Mom agreed and in we went. Then out we went. The atmosphere was too noisy for Grandma. So we had a delightful meal al fresco. At least I thought it was a delightful meal. After Mom finished eating, she pulled out her satellite radio and plugged in. I guess she had reached her social limit for the day. What a hoot!

Time, Love and Tenderness

Nate, Ev and I went over to Mom's last night. She wasn't expecting us, but we were delighted to see her little Christmas tree lighted up. Mom welcomed us at the door and invited us in. She said over and over how happy she was to see us! She was super chatty and Ev even observed that "Grandma kept going from one subject to another!" I had warned the kids that if Gma was not up for company, we would go do some shopping. Ha! I had to tell them it was time to go after a couple of hours, when we needed to pick up the rest of our crew from youth group.

Mom also talked about how excited she is about joining us for brunch at Dave's parents' on Christmas morning. She even asked me if we would pick her up.

Who knew? I was texting with Gayle later last night and she observed that Mark's mother became sweet a few months before she died. Interesting. And nice.